How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
