i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
