I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
