just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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