i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
