Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
