Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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