and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
