Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
