Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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