all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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