i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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