"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
