They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
