he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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