a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She bit a glass in half.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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