Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
this is an emotional support booty call
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
