If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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