I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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