Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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