someone threw a dead crab at me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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