A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
