found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
