Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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