So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
