Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
