is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
