I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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