pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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