Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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