In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I love having hate sex.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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