You made me cry and you don't even care
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
