I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
