i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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