We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
