Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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