Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.