I never want to see another naked old woman again.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
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I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low