Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
