Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity

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  (619): I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity http://tfl.nu/ljia
  Replies (5) Good night (1214) Bad night (542)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either

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  (903): And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either http://tfl.nu/k8z3
  Replies (22) Good night (585) Bad night (3838)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  .....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate

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  (303): .....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate http://tfl.nu/8kdy
  Replies (4) Good night (568) Bad night (3955)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.

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  (956): And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice. http://tfl.nu/wqun
  Replies (43) Good night (867) Bad night (3413)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee

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  (410): She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee http://tfl.nu/dwkb
  Replies (20) Good night (1076) Bad night (3569)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

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  (570): Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/d944
  Replies (23) Good night (5495) Bad night (1190)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.

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  (732): He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs. http://tfl.nu/h7d3
  Replies (12) Good night (3687) Bad night (1095)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.

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  (443): Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar. http://tfl.nu/j1fg
  Replies (12) Good night (4853) Bad night (1443)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  next time we drink: battle shots.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.

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  (403): next time we drink: battle shots. (1-403): battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out. http://tfl.nu/hwdw
  Replies (9) Good night (1158) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.

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  (734): Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins. http://tfl.nu/ngas
  Replies (5) Good night (581) Bad night (690)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.

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  (914): I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me. http://tfl.nu/fqr3
  Replies (6) Good night (430) Bad night (1201)
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  (408): View more from California

  You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."

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  (408): You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom." http://tfl.nu/ayfd
  Replies (2) Good night (1385) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I love you.

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  (214): Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants. (1-214): I love you. http://tfl.nu/sgzz
  Replies (5) Good night (2524) Bad night (542)
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  (619): View more from California

  Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?

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  (619): Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out? http://tfl.nu/ne0t
  Replies (8) Good night (904) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras

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  (251): well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras http://tfl.nu/4zxu
  Replies (1) Good night (248) Bad night (278)

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