Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  That's not a bad idea, actually...

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  (503): 24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online. (1-503): That's not a bad idea, actually... http://tfl.nu/oxdt
  Replies (19) Good night (3982) Bad night (648)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

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  (337): Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/whuj
  Replies (39) Good night (7444) Bad night (1136)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

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  (515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7
  Replies (20) Good night (10349) Bad night (1015)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".

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  (281): All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems". http://tfl.nu/zcya
  Replies (11) Good night (3763) Bad night (1403)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.

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  (606): I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me. (1-606): Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons. http://tfl.nu/drp9
  Replies (4) Good night (4337) Bad night (1394)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.

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  (514): I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case. http://tfl.nu/sce4
  Replies (5) Good night (1193) Bad night (4033)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.

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  (516): i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks. http://tfl.nu/yuy7
  Replies (12) Good night (1720) Bad night (4604)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

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  (540): i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective. http://tfl.nu/c9ng
  Replies (3) Good night (3831) Bad night (836)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.

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  (908): You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution. http://tfl.nu/9oem
  Replies (4) Good night (2425) Bad night (709)
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  (851): View more from

  Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.

  (522): View more from

  Don't break up.

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  (851): Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th. (522): Don't break up. http://tfl.nu/7rul
  Replies (12) Good night (2253) Bad night (559)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up

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  (215): I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up http://tfl.nu/xoz1
  Replies (9) Good night (2060) Bad night (547)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?

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  (423): This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean? http://tfl.nu/py5a
  Replies (5) Good night (479) Bad night (857)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang

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  (610): Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang http://tfl.nu/jrxr
  Replies (2) Good night (1032) Bad night (481)
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  (212): View more from New York

  That accounts for only three of the penises

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  (212): That accounts for only three of the penises http://tfl.nu/jbaz
  Replies (6) Good night (643) Bad night (372)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.

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  (330): We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person. http://tfl.nu/07yn
  Replies (6) Good night (750) Bad night (274)

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