No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.