TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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