you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
