My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
