i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
