Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
