I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
