can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
