Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
