if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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