Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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