so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
