Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
