I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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