dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize