Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
