dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
