Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
