Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sext me about skeletons
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
