pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
