Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
