I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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