Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
