Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
