is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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